Rants overload

I know that it's Valentine's day, but here I am ranting about everything in my life.

I don't know why we are having so much trouble about our financial status that makes me so depressed and it seems like my postpartum depression is coming back.

Lately, I've been thinking about dying and I'm losing my eagerness to take care of my kids and our home.

I've been thinking too much on how to make an easy money even I'm here at our home.

I mean I really love my children but knowing that we don't have money right now (I mean it! Literally we don't have money! We even don't have enough money to pay our house rental and its already overdue!), it makes me sick and tired all day long.

Lately, I've been also thinking of going abroad. My mom is in London right now. And I ask her if she can bring me there because I really want to go abroad and earn bigger amount so I can give the best future for my kids. But then my mom told me that I should finish my studies first. She doesn't want me to go there without a college degree. And she even told me that my kids are too young to be left out. She said that I should take care of them instead.

I know that my mom got a point there, but I just felt that I need a break. I want to experience earning my own money. I want to be a working mom.

I just felt that there so much to do and I can't do it that's why I demanding for space.

I don't know myself anymore. I'm NOT growing anymore. Maybe it sounds so selfish but I want to do the things that I want to be done.

Our home is maybe not my place. You know what I mean?

I'm not growing. Everyday seems to be just another day to be lived on. I'm not existing anymore!

And what is more confusing is that my hubby doesn't understand what I'm feeling right now even if I explain what I'm feeling to him.

Actually, he doesn't support me anymore. He doesn't want me to work either locally or abroad. He just wanted me to stay here in our home, be so financially dependent into him, take care of the kids to the point that I forget myself and be just a plain ugly housewife.


Now, I'm hating my life and wish that I didn't met him at all.

I hate the fact that I cannot change our situation anymore. It's like we're being cursed by somebody to be so poor and miserable.

I'm so hating this kind of life.

All I want is financial security. I want this for me and my kids.

What is happening to It's Showtime Family??!

I don't watch TV often ever since I had Meganne because, rather than watching, I would just do my household chores whenever I have free time.
It was just when I was preggo with Allodia that I watched TV again.
And one of the shows that I used to loved watching is the It's Showtime(formerly Showtime).

I got bored with Eat Bulaga and switched to It's Showtime.
It offered a lot of fresh portions plus it has gorgeous and handsome celebrity hosts.

Until I gave birth to Allodia and lost my desire in watching TV again.
But even if I stopped watching the show, I still loved their show and their hosts, no matter what.

And now, I'm wondering why their hosts are being in a scandalous issues these past few months.

Let's reminisce one by one.

1. Vice Ganda scandal (May 17, 2013- iVice Ganda mo ko Concert)
     It happened last year, when he made a joke about "the rape" thing and worst is that he mentioned Miss          Jessica Soho, who is a reputable newscaster of the rival network.
   http://www.rappler.com/entertainment/30116-vice-ganda-jessica-soho-rape-joke

2. Billy Crawford break up with Nikki Gil, Coleen as the third party? ( July 28, 2013- The Buzz)
      He announced his break up with almost five year long girlfriend Nikki Gil. And just lately, he confirmed         that he's courting one of his co-host Coleen Garcia, who allegedly the third party in his relationship with         Nikki Gil.
   http://www.examiner.com/article/netizens-link-coleen-garcia-to-the-billy-crawford-nikki-gil-break-up

3. Anne Curtis Slapping Incident (Dec 2, 2013- Prive Luxury Club)
       When Anne slapped John Lloyd Cruz and two other people. Well in the story, she even called JLC an          "addict" and she told Phoemela Barranda that she can buy her, her friends and that club.
http://ph.omg.yahoo.com/blogs/omgphnewsblog/anne-curtis-faces-crisis-slapping-incident-club-001648465.html

4. Vhong Navarro was beaten by group of men ( January 22, 2014- Fort Condo)
        It's in the headlines today. He was badly beaten by group of men in the condominium of his friend.
http://www.mb.com.ph/vhong-navarro-hurt-from-fort-condo-assault/


When Billy announced that he's courting Coleen, I already thought about this. I even asked my Baby Daddy why the hosts of this show are going a lot of issues. And he laughingly answered me that he doesn't know cause he's a certified dabarkad. I actually thought that Vhong Navarro will have a big issue soon just like his co-hosts, but I didn't expect it to be just like that. I pity him cause he was badly beaten and might undergo a surgery soon. I wish he could recover soon cause I will definitely miss his "sexy moves" and pick up lines.

 

My busy week..

I've been thinking lately that 24 hours is not really enough for a stay-at-home-mom like me with a 3 years old school girl and a year old baby whose figuring how to talk and walk and learn those simple things in life.

Is it the daylight saving or just me?

Haha. Whatever. Anyway, I've been quite busy this week because of my baby ate's loads of homework. That's right! She's considered to be in nursery level and yet their teacher is pouring them( I mean us, their PARENTS!) with loads of assignments! But that's okay, since I can clearly see that my Baby ate is really learning. She now knows about Dr. Jose Rizal! I didn't teach her that because I just felt that she's too young for that information, but then again, their school is just really preparing them for big schools and I'm happy with that.

Yesterday, Allodia and I went to the nearby health center because it's her MMR vaccine day! So I got up early and went to the center. Before the vaccine her weight and height were taken and I found out that she a bit underweight! So I need to feed her from time to time so she can gain some weight before she turns 1 year and a month old. I've been also busy teaching her how to walk and talk. During my spare time, I would be with her and teach her how to say "mommy". She can mumble "daddy" and "ate" but not "mommy" or "mama". She also knows what the dog says and I'm proud to say I didn't teach her that. She was able to learn that  sound by listening to our neighbor's dog's bark. And I'm pretty sure that sooner she'll be able to learn to call me,"mommy". She can also walk 2-3 steps already without support. And I realized I'm much happier to witness that moment that moment than anything else. I felt overwhelming when I saw her walk on her own. I just can't explain that lovely feeling! And I thank God for letting me experience such wonderful feeling with my family.

Another factor that made me busy is that my sister had opened a problem with me. She told me that my nephew, Ollio, is showing some signs of Red flags. Red flags are the reference to see if you're kid is manifesting Autism Spectrum Disorder. You may refer to this site for more information about this disorder.
It was a heartbreaking news. We're not sure yet but then being aware that something's wrong makes us feel unhappy. So right now, I'm helping my sister to research more about this case. We're also praying for a milder case cause we know that my nephew is really delayed in some skills. My sister's also preparing their finances for his medical expenses. My nephew is scheduled for an assessment with Dr. Maria Cristina Caguioa in Las Pinas Doctors Hospital on January 27. I really hope that Ollio will be better soon. It will be his 2nd birthday tomorrow. And I wish him a better health for his birthday.