HELP! Where can I buy patience???

Where the hell in this world can I buy PATIENCE??? I'm not kidding. I really wanna buy patience if only it can be really bought.

My 3 years old little girl, Meganne, is way too much naughty, importunate and hyperactive!

I know its a part of growing up, but like any other SAHM, I'm running out of patience and sometimes I think I'm the worst mom in the world.

Okay. Breathe in, breathe out. *SIGH*

To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I wanna find a job and work full time. I think I need a break from my daughters. I think that it is better for me to go to work, miss my kids for 8-9 hours and go home immediately and hug and kiss my kids like there's no tomorrow than being with them for 24 hours in 7 days a week and shout at them every time they do something naughty or bad.

I love my kids more than anything and anyone else in this world. I will die and live for them. I rather take all the sacrifices in the world just to make sure that they'll be fine and happy.

But hellya! I need a break! I'm still a human that need to rest when tired, need to eat when hungry and need to breathe when in stress. Whew!

I don't know if I'm still experiencing PPD or postpartum depression. I'm not diagnose properly of PPD but based from my research, I manifest the symptoms of PPD especially during the first 3 months after giving birth to Allodia. And since then, I've tried to fight this depression by watching comedy shows, talking to my old friends and by blogging something here. I can say that it really helped me a lot when I accepted the fact that I might be experiencing this. Now, little by little, I'm composing myself for better for my kids. But whenever I try to be the best mom to Meganne and Allodia, it seems that I keep on coming back on first step. I have to admit that sometimes, I shout and punish my baby Meganne. But God knows how regretful I am in doing so.

I really don't know what to do. I love my babies but it seems like I can't take it anymore...hayys..