Torn apart!

Just lately, Melvin and I are discussing an important thing for our family.. I want to have a job as soon as possible because I feel so tired as a SAHM( I've been a SAHM for 3+ years), I wanna feel fulfillment and I wanna earn my own money. 

BUT (here comes the BUT,!), for now, I can't go and find a job because nobody will take care of my 5 months old baby.. Nobody can breastfeed her as much as I can. Nobody will run the house if I go to work. My father, whose in our province, is looking for a helper ever since I gave birth to my bunso, but until now, he can't find me one!

Another factor that Melvin and I are discussing is the Kasambahay law. If we will hire a helper, it should be an all-around maid and a nanny. Because it was written in Kasambahay law that every helper should have a specific job. And the minimum wage is 2500 php, which means, we have to allot PHP 5000 plus their benefits(philhealth, sss and pagibig) just for them!

Another thing that we take for consideration is the performance of the helper. We know a lot of helpers nowadays are aggressive or abusive. There are only few who are really kind and dedicated to their work. So, what if we hire the wrong person and something bad might happen?(knock on the wood) Especially that our bunso is still a baby and can't even babble a word. What if we hire someone who is connected to a syndicate group?(knock again on the wood)...>.<

Urgghhh! With these things, I don't really think that I'm going to find a job any sooner. I rather stay here and take a good care of my baby (even if my heart cries for a new environment- a working environment!). 

Maybe its not yet time for me to have a job. Maybe its not yet the right time for me to earn some money. 

I hope that time come soon..!!!Because I really want to work in the real world!!!